“If it’s impossible, why start at all?
If it’s possible, then everything is clear — so why do it right now?”
A person lying on the couch, sitting in front of the TV, scrolling on a phone, or playing games for hours can say this quite sincerely.
To themselves. To a partner.
And also to parents who step into the room.
To a manager at work.
In the last case, if anything is said out loud, it is usually the first part of the phrase.
The second part stays unspoken — out of self-preservation.
Sometimes this situation turns into a way of life.
And when it begins to cause discomfort, looking at it from a slightly different angle may help to find at least some energy to change the script.
“Lack of motivation” is not always about lacking energy
At first glance, this formula looks like a lack of motivation.
States such as “I don’t feel like it”, “I’m not drawn to it”, “there’s no inner impulse” are translated into “there’s no point anyway”.
At the same time, thinking remains active.
Reasoning is present.
The logical construction is there.
And there is motivation for that.
A person thinks a lot: evaluates, weighs options, compares, decides in advance whether it is worth starting at all.
Where the energy goes when nothing happens
The energy is there.
It is simply not spent in proportion to visible effort.
From the outside, this looks like sitting or lying still.
Inside, a continuous process is going on — unnoticed because it does not reach awareness, yet constant and exhausting.
That energy is used to prevent action.
More precisely, to prevent desire from reaching a conscious level.
So much energy goes into this that, once the person finally gets off the couch, they feel as if they have been digging garden beds all day.
Why desire never becomes “I want”
There may be no inner struggle here, no tearing between different wishes, no “I want” versus “I don’t want”.
Desire simply does not get the chance to be experienced as “I want”.
Any desire immediately carries consequences with it.
“I want” implies a result — positive or negative.
At times, the specific outcome does not even matter.
Success is avoided just as reliably as failure.
How the formula works: avoiding failure and avoiding success
In the first part of the formula (“If it’s impossible, why start?”), the result is declared unattainable in advance, which allows one to avoid the experience of failure.
In the second part (“If it’s possible, why do it now?”), the result is postponed “for later”, in order not to face what follows a win.
And there is plenty to be emotionally cautious about:
- the success that brings joy may be seen by someone else as insignificant and unworthy of that joy;
- joy itself may be punished;
- success may provoke envy and subsequent devaluation;
- it may disturb a fragile balance within a family or system and trigger competition;
- success may require maintaining the achieved level.
In this way, success makes a person visible and exposed.
Both parts of the formula work together.
They serve the same purpose: removing the source of danger — desire and “I want”.
When this formula becomes a constant presence in someone’s life, it functions as a ban on experiencing desire, framed as reasoning about meaning.
How life gradually shrinks to the couch
Once a person settles into this script, movement gradually disappears around them: friends, gatherings, people, hobbies.
Objects of the outer world seem to fade away.
They become dangerous because emotions are tied to them.
What remains are formal connections, debts, and obligations: household tasks, work, taxes, a mortgage.
A question that can start a shift
Leaving such a script is not easy.
It requires the emergence of a stable desire — precisely what this person avoids most.
Still, desire can be grown gradually.
If this feels familiar, try gently provoking yourself with the question:
“What exactly must not appear for me to stay calmly on the couch?”
P.S. There are other versions of “couch life” as well. I will write about them in future articles.
Русская версия этой статьи: Нету «хочу» или жизнь «на диване»